Justin's Story

Monday, September 9, 2013

Lots of emotions lately

I'm not sure why I've been so emotional the last few weeks.  I'm thinking its because the one years mark is only a couple months away now.....on one hand  the past 10 months have flown by, the other it seems like we've been doing this forever already.  

He's been running high again so off the email with numbers went to the Dr again. He's growing so much lately, gaining weight and getting taller, so I'm sure his doses need to be adjusted.  

He's been down to the clinic so much this year, he usually checks at most 2 times a day at school.  But he's going to the clinic 4-5 times complaining of stomach pain, which is fine because that is his main low symptom, but when he checks he's not low, he's usually on the higher side.  This is so frustrating to me, I've had the boy who cried wolf conversation with him.  I want people to take him seriously when he says he doesn't feel good.  So I'm honestly not sure if he's doing it to get out of class, or that he really doesn't feel good.  He hasn't felt different when he's high yet, I always ask him, but he says he feels fine.  So I'm wondering if maybe he's having the same symptom as his lows......this just sucks, everything you have to do to raise a kid plus all this diabetes stuff is honestly enough to make you lose it! I swear some days I am so ready to just quit my job and home school because I'm so frustrated. Its so mentally exhausting!  The stress, the worry, the guilt, everything about it.  

I try to be positive all the time about it, but some days the littlest thing will make me want to cry.  Seeing older kids hanging out at the mall makes me sad because he will have this extra worry that his friends most likely won't.  When I see kids his age just eating whatever, cookies, candy, it makes me sad because he has to count everything he eats, and yes it's routine for us now, but to think that is his life forever, just tears me apart.  I worry about him so much, more than ever before. 

I hate the part of me that doesn't give a crap anymore, I just don't have much sympathy.  I hate when people complain that their kid has to get shots at their checkup, or a finger stick, and how horrible that was.  Well welcome to my life, where its not the nurse at the dr's office who's inflicting the pain. I have to hurt my child on a daily basis.....yes he doesn't complain, but once in a while he'll say the shot hurt or we poked his finger and its throbbing for a while.  It sucks! I just want to say..."Are you seriously whining to me about that?" At least you can bribe your kid with ice cream after.....for us that would just be another poke!

Ok enough of my rant LOL......



So me and Justin volunteered for the JDRF this last weekend, and we had a lot of fun! We met some new friends, and helped raise money for our #1 cause!




Soccer is going good for Justin!!  He still goofs off a little too much at times, but he's having fun!  He's had one low already, even though he started at a good number, it was a practice, but it still sucks that he's watching everyone else play, while he has to eat something and wait to recheck.......






I'm not sure I'll make another post before Justins 1 year diaversary, I will probably be working on that post for at least a couple weeks before I publish it.  And while I'm not looking forward to that day, I'm sure I will be extra emotional, we are planning a super surprise for Justin that makes me happy,  I'll only divulge that info after it happens  :)





8 comments:

  1. My Daughter Amy gets a sore stomach with both lows and highs. Sometimes she has trouble telling what is wrong when that is her only symptom, but at least she knows something isn't right. She's 7.5 and doing most of her care herself at school as we have no nurse. We have her regular teacher supervising her giving her dose (which was forgotten the second day of school!)

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    1. Good to know it can be the symptom for a high or low...I had the boy who cried wolf talk with him lol, but he promised me that it really does hurt, and he didn't feel right. I believe him, I guess I'm just worried about him leaving class all the time, but the diabetes has to come first.

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  2. Hang in there. You are doing a great job! I too get mad when other parents complain about their kids getting blood drawn or having to get a shot. Or when they complain about something a simple as a cold. I try to stay quiet or walk away so I don't say something I'll regret.

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    1. Thanks, Same here Carla! A cold can quickly send our T1 Kids to the ER :( its hard for people to understand that. I'm always biting my tongue.

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  3. Oh, I have lost all sympathy. As much as try to remember what it was like to feel that way... all I can think is "you have no clue lady" when I hear people complain. I think I have the least sympathy for those who complain that they lost 1 whole night of sleep because of a sick child. I manage to keep my mouth shut, but I can totally visualize myself slapping them. THAT makes me smirk ;)

    I think the first year was the toughest for me. I think the in between years have been okay, but lately I have been thinking about our upcoming d'aversary. Next month will be FIVE years for us and its bothing me more that I thought it would.Five years it a lot of time, and a whole lot of pokes.

    Hang in there, you are doing awesome. I cant wait to hear about that surprise.

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    1. I'm so glad it's not just me that feels like that, I thought maybe I would sound like a B LOL
      This year has definitely been a roller coaster of emotions, I'll go from just fine, to a hard cry, that just hurts your heart and you can't stop sobbing so quickly. 5 years is a long time, I feel like every year will bother me right now....but I;m looking forward to the "normal" years. I can't wait to share the surprise :)

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  4. I just read through your first few diagnosis posts. Tears in my eyes. So scary. Great blog!!

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