Justin's Story

Monday, September 9, 2013

Lots of emotions lately

I'm not sure why I've been so emotional the last few weeks.  I'm thinking its because the one years mark is only a couple months away now.....on one hand  the past 10 months have flown by, the other it seems like we've been doing this forever already.  

He's been running high again so off the email with numbers went to the Dr again. He's growing so much lately, gaining weight and getting taller, so I'm sure his doses need to be adjusted.  

He's been down to the clinic so much this year, he usually checks at most 2 times a day at school.  But he's going to the clinic 4-5 times complaining of stomach pain, which is fine because that is his main low symptom, but when he checks he's not low, he's usually on the higher side.  This is so frustrating to me, I've had the boy who cried wolf conversation with him.  I want people to take him seriously when he says he doesn't feel good.  So I'm honestly not sure if he's doing it to get out of class, or that he really doesn't feel good.  He hasn't felt different when he's high yet, I always ask him, but he says he feels fine.  So I'm wondering if maybe he's having the same symptom as his lows......this just sucks, everything you have to do to raise a kid plus all this diabetes stuff is honestly enough to make you lose it! I swear some days I am so ready to just quit my job and home school because I'm so frustrated. Its so mentally exhausting!  The stress, the worry, the guilt, everything about it.  

I try to be positive all the time about it, but some days the littlest thing will make me want to cry.  Seeing older kids hanging out at the mall makes me sad because he will have this extra worry that his friends most likely won't.  When I see kids his age just eating whatever, cookies, candy, it makes me sad because he has to count everything he eats, and yes it's routine for us now, but to think that is his life forever, just tears me apart.  I worry about him so much, more than ever before. 

I hate the part of me that doesn't give a crap anymore, I just don't have much sympathy.  I hate when people complain that their kid has to get shots at their checkup, or a finger stick, and how horrible that was.  Well welcome to my life, where its not the nurse at the dr's office who's inflicting the pain. I have to hurt my child on a daily basis.....yes he doesn't complain, but once in a while he'll say the shot hurt or we poked his finger and its throbbing for a while.  It sucks! I just want to say..."Are you seriously whining to me about that?" At least you can bribe your kid with ice cream after.....for us that would just be another poke!

Ok enough of my rant LOL......

So me and Justin volunteered for the JDRF this last weekend, and we had a lot of fun! We met some new friends, and helped raise money for our #1 cause!

Soccer is going good for Justin!!  He still goofs off a little too much at times, but he's having fun!  He's had one low already, even though he started at a good number, it was a practice, but it still sucks that he's watching everyone else play, while he has to eat something and wait to recheck.......

I'm not sure I'll make another post before Justins 1 year diaversary, I will probably be working on that post for at least a couple weeks before I publish it.  And while I'm not looking forward to that day, I'm sure I will be extra emotional, we are planning a super surprise for Justin that makes me happy,  I'll only divulge that info after it happens  :)