We were supposed to go to the endo at the beginning of March, but we cancelled because I got Justin on to a plan offered for kids by the state. Well when I spoke to our "RN" case manager at that time I was told that he would have an appointment with the new endo in either April or May. I put RN in quotes because I'm not sure they really are nurses since I say he has Type 1 Diabetes, and I'm asked every time what medication he is on. As a nurse you should at least know that Type 1 is insulin dependent, I'm not asking a lot here! So were now at the end of April and I've left at least 5 messages regarding when his appt will be, and that were running low on supplies. No call back! So I was talking with another friend who is on another plan offered through the state, so I decide I want to switch then we can go back to the endo we were seeing. I call, tell them what I want to do, she puts me on hold and comes back really quick....says I have to call the plan hes on not the main number. Which means calling the same number that won't return my calls!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am beyond frustrated. I have paid 3 monthly premiums to them and have yet to see a dr. or get prescriptions. I'm still buying strips, syringes, pen needles, and now were really close to running out of one of his insulins and its about $150 for that. This is beyond ridiculous now. I will be calling first thing tomorrow morning, again. So that has been a huge weight on me lately just worrying about getting everything. I know he needs dose changes and I've been trying to adjust a little bit at a time, numbers have been crazy either way high or he's low, I'm just done. He's been ready for a pump, but since we haven't seen the new dr who knows when that will be.
I also feel lately like I'm having an overload of diabetes stuff.....I joined some groups on facebook, and while I love the support. I get depressed reading all the newbies posts it just makes me angry and reminds me daily of how awful it was at first. Don't get me wrong I love social media and the connections I've made. Just seems like lately things are getting to me a lot more than usual.
Lets take yesterday for example:
started the morning at 256
before lunch low 59
ate lunch checked before i gave insulin for a cookie he was at 108
still going up from lunch i dosed for the cookie
get home 356...wtf diabetes wtf
It's been like this a lot more lately and its beyond frustrating. Today was much better but we were outside and walking around a lot today.
I get mad that this is his life, I hate it and it makes me sad and so angry at times.
I find myself constantly worrying about his teenage years, and beyond. I see older kids at the mall or wherever and I think about him and while I know he will be fine, I hate that he has to deal extra thing that his friends don't have to worry about. I worry if he'll have supportive friends that will learn about it and understand what he's dealing with so they can help if needed.
I get to feeling like this on and off since diagnosis....It goes away but always finds a way back to me. I can handle the medical side of diabetes, but the emotional side just exhausts me. As if raising a kid isn't hard enough.....