Sunday, February 2, 2014
The first & definitely not the last...........
Things have been just going here on our end. We take it a day at a time. Justin has been his normal silly self, except at school, lately him and his little group have been a little extra crazy lately, enough for one of the ladies in charge to say something to me.
So me and Justin had a talk on Friday night, I asked him whats going on lately? Your normally great in aftercare......
I was honestly expecting an answer along the lines of were daring each other or something ridiculous like that. Instead he did something that I was completely not expecting from him, he didn't say anything at first just looked at me his eyes welling up with tears, my first thought was crap something bad happened at school or he's being bullied. Instead with tears in his eyes and a mad face he just said "DIABETES.....I HATE MY DIABETES!"
All I could do was hold him tight & cry with him while he told me that he just wants to be a normal boy, and he's mad about it and hates everything about it! We cried together for nearly 40 minutes. He was sobbing in my arms & I could feel his hurt for the first time and my heart broke even more for him.
He has never let on that it bothers him so much, I mean I knew it had to in some way, but he never showed it or when asked about it said he's ok.
I took his acting up as just trying to fit in more, which is part of growing up anyway but with this extra thing called diabetes he feels more different. I told him that he can't keep his feelings bottled up in his heart like that. He needs to talk to me or Dad about it. I said this does not excuse the behavior but I do understand. We agreed that he'll talk about his feelings more.......we shall see how this goes tomorrow back at school.
I told him that God gives us things that are really hard to deal with because were strong enough, even if we don't think we are.